Today I would like to share my thoughts on a susceptible topic. It’s about the gap between mothers devoted to raising children and mothers who have paid work.
Women with children usually position themselves in one of the above, and while they think their choice is right, they feel uncomfortable with mothers in the opposite position.
When a mother spends her time at home finds a problem with children who have a mother who is not at home, she argues that the children are not properly cared for due to their mother’s absence.
On the other hand, a mother with professions other than as a mother perceive mothers at home as outdated, non-self-reliant people or feel sorry for their lack of support from their families and society.
We have many other prejudices with each other, but to be honest, I had been trapped in all these selfish beliefs.
I was one of the mothers who left the office when I gave birth. And, an acquaintance was asked to work several times a year and paid.
When I concentrate on raising children, I sometimes felt sorry for children who are taken to a day-care center every day for their mother’s work. And I had felt guilty that I could not spend enough money on my children because I could not earn money.
On the other hand, when I was working and leaving my child at a daycare center, I felt that it was a social problem for mothers to not make money by themselves. And I felt a deep sense of guilt about not being able to go along with my children’s feelings and prepare meals on time.
This is very strange. Whichever I choose, I felt guilty thinking, and at the same time, I thought the path I didn’t choose was wrong.
It’s full of contradictions.
I felt uncomfortable with working mothers when I focused on raising children and irritated with mothers who can concentrate on raising children when I focus on work. That was a painful thing.
I gradually started to notice. This is a psychological trap. There is a term cognitive dissonance in psychology. It’s a distortion of human cognition depicted in the sour grapes of Aesop’s Fairy Tales.
In this story, to give up the grapes that the protagonist likes, he thinks, “These grapes must be sour.” The main character redefined grapes as something he didn’t like, sour, to justify his choice and reduce the discomfort of not getting the grapes he wants.
Similarly, when a mother gives up her job, she thinks that mothers who are working outside will cause problems for their children. On the other hand, when the mother gives up time with her child, she thinks it is a problem that mothers do not have another profession.
They try to protect themselves by justifying their choice by dissing the way they did not choose. These altered perceptions cause conflicts between mothers.
It also stimulates their cognitive dissonance by using different words to refer to mothers who have chosen different lifestyles.
For example, a mother who has paid-works is called a “working mom”. In response, mothers who have only unpaid work or women who are called “full-time housewives” are said to be “non-working mom” We could call it a “mother who works at home,” but when we use the word “work,” generally, we are referring only to “paid work.”
In English, full-time housewives are sometimes called “full-time mothers.” Contrary to the previous example, this expression hurts mothers who work outside. While working outside the home, the mothers do not lose parental rights or escape obligations. If so, they should not be called to pick her children up immediately because their kids got a fever.
Words are spells. Even if only suggestive, it is not good to include expressions that hurt those who choose the other option in the word that designates who you are.
But I think. To begin with, why not stop using the different labeling depending on whether the mother makes money?
Mothers may change their lifestyles as their life stages change. Mothers at home can become entrepreneurs and fly around the world as their children grow up.
Mothers who work outside can also change their lifestyle to contribute more to the community and stay home more with their families.
If you have to let go of your current lifestyle, you cannot change it if you have thought it is the only correct answer, even though it doesn’t suit you anymore. Unnecessary beliefs could bind you.
Large frameworks, such as countries and societies, can propaganda the ideal image of a mother for its maintenance and growth. Sometimes, they say mothers should be at home and at other times they should work outside. But you should follow your life plan.
In any case, when a child grows up, too much self-consciousness of being a mother can even harm the child, so it could be dangerous to integrate with the identity of being a mother.
Whether a woman is a mother or on paid work is not an essential factor in personal well-being. The focus should be on choosing a way that leads to your true north.
Whether you work in the office or at home, it’s your proud career path.
As long as you are willing to learn, 10,000 diaper changes and daily preparation to leave kids at the nursery will help us grow. Believe what you choose is always right.
Even if you want to work outside but can only choose to stay home, or if you prefer to stay home but can’t be allowed because of economic reasons, you can still find beauty, learning, and happiness in your life. And enjoy the preparation to get to the path you want to choose. Remember, there’s no better time than the preparation period. You don’t have to blame those who are on the other pass.
Neither path is stress-free, but Both are great experiences.
As you become more confident in your choices, you will aware you feel respect and appreciation for those who go the other way. You realize that you can choose your way because someone takes the opposite position.
Mothers working outside can help the children who have a mother at home learn that such options are available. Having a mother at home allows children who have working parents to live in a safe place with the eyes of adults. Because they are different, they can help and support each other.
It took me a long time to get to the point where I felt it from the bottom of my heart. To be honest, sometimes I can’t think so, but that’s when my life isn’t going well, and I know it’s because of me, not the other person, so I don’t get upset anymore. And that’s the excellent learning that comes from being a mother. Let’s continue to work together on this challenging job.
Thank you for your reading. See you soon. Matane!